Reasons why you never want to get close to a former love
I’ve written this blog entry last July 26, 2010, I recently opened it again due it was recently read by someone special to me and asked me about it. I think I’ve wrote this during my “EMO” days or the day I got dumped the third time by the same girl, it’s funny but I think t made me stronger as a person. I’m also not affected by the situation of the past and I wanted to post this again to give others a point of view of my experience and maybe they could benefit or learn a lesson about my life story.
you could check the link on my facebook page, here is the link: http://www.facebook.com/notes/roy-reyes/reasons-why-you-never-want-to-get-close-to-a-former-love/10150214722815043
well here is the blog entry revisited:
Sounds like a bitter statement but in fact it is not, it’s just a reminder to me not to get attached with someone I courted or I used to fell in love with. Why? Simple I don’t want old feelings resurfacing again, I don’t want to be an another stupid person doing things that she wants, changing myself to something I’m not and trying to please her to the extent of losing myself completely. I don’t want to end up all beaten up again and eventually another scar on my heart. I never said that I would hate them, I’m just simply avoiding them for the reason that I said earlier. I want something that is real and I don’t want to end up giving everything I can and in the end it was all for nothing. I really have poor judgment when it comes to this kind of things.
A friend of mine asked why I did nothing to impress someone I like during our trip. She said that I have too many chances to impress her and all I did is do nothing. All I can say to friend is I’m not required to do those things, but the reality is that I don’t want to fall for her again. I made a mistake like that before and eventually got me hurt not one, not twice but thrice that is how pathetic I am when I fall for someone. I lose my logic and eventually I turn to a machine that is made to do her all bidding, I tend to forget how she hurt me and just like that I became her puppet, her personal clown to make her happy with my every bit of misery. I want to have serious relationship built on trust and not being someone’s slave. And another reason why I never tried to be the knight in shining armor is that I know she is still not over with her ex, I never want to the rebound guy or rather if we did become a couple I don’t want to have the suspicion that every time that we are not together she is with her ex. I don’t want that feeling I tend to be too violent and eventually I don’t have my judiciousness to do anything.
I’ve been on dates with someone I courted before, and the only time I really get aggravated is when she compares me with her exes, at first I thought it’s just a notion for me to be better but whenever she brings that topic up it really puts me down. There are times that I want to blurt out:” There’s a reason why they are your exes right? “But I can’t I love her that much and eventually I lean to just let it pass.
Another instance is that I want to date this certain person, I really like her and once we are in a group she is really friendly and nice, but that thing I hate most about her is that when she is paired with me she always make really irritable comments which is really damn hurtful and the thing hate most is that she does not seem to really care if I get hurt. Another thing is that when we are alone she changes to another person, she is very cold and seems to be irritated when I’m alone with her and that really gets me insanely mad. But I can’t hurt her and that is my problem. I always said that I will never fall for someone who is not within my standards but judging by me previous endeavors I always compromise I tend to forget my standards because I really like them that much.
This is the only reason I can think of so that I can never fall for them again is to avoid them. I don’t want to have a reason again for me to fall for them again. I’m that gullible and people tend to abuse it. I want an equal relationship and based from my past experiences that will never happen if I fall for them again.
Right now I am happy; I still have my friends to back me up. I enjoying life right now, even though they are pushing me to have a relationship ASAP, and they want the best for me, I think I still need to find that perfect girl. I know they are trying to push me to make a move again on our common friend but for the reasons stated above are hard for me to do so. All I want is to be happy and I pursue her, I think I will eventually be hurt again and I’m tired of getting hurt. I just want to be happy for once and let it be and just let her do mistakes, she is already an adult and she should know that her actions will always have repercussions. It’s good thing I’m a pessimist I always think of the worst things that could happen before I make my move and if I simulated that I can never survive the after effects of my actions then I won’t do it. I want my life to be better not worse so I’m doing what I want and try to stay happy for me and not for someone else. I deserve to be happy even just this once.
bluespecter 